Etiquette in the Dojo, Part 2

By Coach Don Cooper

Some people say that jiu jitsu is for everyone. I have even heard people suggest that it is so beneficial that everyone should be required to learn it in school.

It may surprise you to hear me say that I disagree.

The reason is that some people do not appreciate the power of jiu jitsu and will use it recklessly or selfishly. Imagine someone who wants to bully others, boss people around, or hurt people. Now imagine giving that person the tools of jiu jitsu without addressing their character. That would not be good.

This is closely related to why our values, etiquette, and behavior in the dojo are foundational to the art. If someone refuses to respect those values, learning jiu jitsu can make that person more dangerous to others.

At Emerge, someone who consistently refuses to follow the rules or respect our teammates and values may eventually be asked to leave the team. This has happened on occasion with both kids and adults. More often, people who do not appreciate those expectations leave on their own.

I begin with this because I want to emphasize again how important etiquette is. We are teaching people effective ways to control another person and potentially injure them. That requires responsibility and self-control. Our character must grow along with our ability.

With that in mind, let’s continue with some more of the expectations on our gray belt checklist.

1. Cleanliness

Being a good training partner includes showing up clean and ready to train.

Imagine having a partner whose gi is dirty and smells bad. Can you be a good training partner if your uniform stinks or creates a health concern for the people around you? Of course not.

After you train, take your gi home and wash it. That is one of the first things I do when I get home from training. My gi goes in the wash so it will be clean for the next practice.

For kids who are old enough, this is something you can take responsibility for yourself. If you do not know how to use the washing machine, ask your parents to teach you. Learning to wash your own uniform is a good way to help at home and take ownership of your training.

Our bodies need to be clean too. After practice, wash thoroughly with soap to clean off the sweat and germs we pick up while training. Working hard and sweating are good things, but we need to clean up afterward.

Keep your fingernails and toenails trimmed. If you are anything like me, they grow quickly, so you have to stay on top of this. Have nail clippers at home and keep a pair in your gym bag.

Long nails can easily scratch your partner. I have received some bad scratches from fingernails, and a long fingernail near someone’s eye can cause a serious injury.

If you arrive at class and notice your nails need trimming, take care of them before getting on the mats, even if that means you are a little late joining the class. Better yet, make this part of getting ready before you leave home.

These are simple responsibilities, but they show care for the people who are trusting you as their training partner.

2. Listening to Coaches

You cannot learn what the coach is teaching if you are not listening.

Do your best to focus on what your coach is saying and demonstrating. Watch the details. Listen to the instructions. We do not expect you to remember everything perfectly, but we do expect you to make an honest effort.

Once again, this connects to being a good training partner.

Imagine working with someone who never knows what move the class is practicing or what details you are supposed to work on. That makes practice harder for both people. When you pay attention, you help yourself learn and help your partner have a better practice.

Listening also means being quiet when the coach is talking. If you are having a conversation with someone next to you, you are making it harder for the people around you to hear and concentrate.

When a coach is speaking, give that coach your attention. This is one of the simplest ways we show respect.

3. Staying Focused When Drilling

Focused drilling takes effort from both your mind and your body.

If you are not careful, your mind can drift. You may start talking, stop moving, or realize that several minutes have passed without getting many repetitions. Do your best to stay engaged and keep a steady effort so you and your partner get as many good repetitions as you can.

The word “good” matters here. We want deliberate practice of the technique, with attention to the details the coach showed.

Remember that your partner’s time matters too. If you are distracted or goofing off, you are taking away from their practice as well as your own. Be aware of that responsibility. Help your teammate get the most benefit from the time they have set aside to train.

Another problem is when students start practicing a different move from the one the coach assigned.

The coach has chosen that technique for a reason. You may have another move you like better, or you may feel that you already know the technique being taught. Be humble enough to recognize that the coach may be trying to teach you something you have not understood yet.

This is especially important for experienced students. Newer teammates often watch you for help. If they look over and see you doing a completely different technique, or ignoring the details the coach just demonstrated, that can confuse and mislead them.

Practice what the coach has asked you to practice. Pay attention to the details. You will likely learn something, and you will help the people around you learn too.

Be a good training partner. Stay focused when drilling.

4. Respect, Humility, and Gratitude

These are the three words written above the entrance to our dojo.

I have written about them in more detail in my earlier post, Respect, Humility and Gratitude. Please take the time to read it and consider what those words mean in the context of our training.

We should be able to do more than repeat the words from memory. We should understand them and deliberately practice them.

Respect affects how we treat our coaches and teammates. Humility affects how we receive instruction and correction. Gratitude affects how we respond to the opportunities, blessings, and difficulties that come with training.

These are character traits we need to exercise continually, at the gym, at home, at school, and wherever we go.

5. Walk With Honor

As you leave the gym, you will see another phrase above the door: “Walk with honor.”

Those words remind us that what we practice in the dojo should go with us when we leave. We return to our homes, schools, workplaces, and communities. How should we conduct ourselves there?

Put succinctly, walking with honor means living in a way that is pleasing to God. We seek to obey Him, love our neighbors as ourselves, and love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.

That can take many practical forms.

For kids, it means obeying your parents and showing them respect. It means speaking kindly to your brothers and sisters. When your parents ask you to do a chore, do it promptly and cheerfully.

It also means taking responsibility when you do something wrong.

We will not always get everything right. When we recognize that we have done wrong, we should be quick to acknowledge it, apologize where needed, and correct our behavior.

In the Bible, we call this repentance. We agree with God that what we did was wrong. We confess it to Him, ask for His forgiveness and help, and turn away from that behavior. If we have hurt someone, we should seek to make things right with that person too.

Walking with honor requires the humility to be corrected and the willingness to change direction.

Keep Your Word

Integrity is another part of walking with honor.

Tell the truth. If you say you are going to do something, do your best to follow through.

Suppose your parents ask you to clean up the yard and put your toys away. You agree that you will do it that day, but the day passes and you never do it. You have not kept your word.

Our words should mean something. Learning to be dependable in small responsibilities is part of growing in character.

Seek Peace and Show Kindness

Do your best to get along with the people around you.

For kids, this might mean working through a disagreement with a brother or sister instead of demanding your own way and turning it into a fight. Adults need to practice this too. We can create unnecessary conflict just as easily as children can.

This does not mean that every conflict is wrong. Sometimes we must stand up for what is right. But we should examine our motives. Are we seeking to do what pleases God, or are we simply insisting on getting our own way?

Kindness also shows up in ordinary moments. Hold the door for someone coming behind you. Notice an elderly person who could use a little consideration. If you are sitting in a crowded lobby and someone needs your chair more than you do, offer it.

Men and boys, offering your seat to a lady is another simple way to show courtesy and kindness.

Pay attention to the people around you and consider how you can serve them.

Respect Authority and Choose Your Friends Wisely

Walking with honor also means showing respect to those in authority over you. For kids, that includes your parents, of course, but also your teachers at school. Do your best to follow their instructions. Understand that they are working to teach you and the other students around you. Your attention and cooperation help everyone learn.

Sometimes walking with honor means refusing to follow the bad advice or influence of people around you.

You may find yourself with someone who encourages you to do something you know is wrong. They might even say, “If you were really my friend, you would do this.”

Stand firm and do what is right, even if it means losing that so-called friend. Someone asking you to prove your friendship by doing wrong is not helping you.

This is why we need to choose our friends and associates wisely. People who are not interested in walking with honor may try to pull you down and take you with them. Don’t do it.

Remember, our goal is to live in a way that pleases God. Sometimes that means disappointing someone who wants us to do wrong. We need the courage to make that choice.

Not everyone wants to walk with honor. That brings us back to why I said jiu jitsu is not for everyone. The willingness to grow in character and use what we learn responsibly matters.

Exercise Self-Control

There will be times when something makes us upset or angry. What we do next matters.

I know that, for myself, dangerous driving bothers me. Someone cuts me off, runs a red light, or follows too closely behind my car. That puts me at risk, and if my family is with me, it puts them at risk too.

I may have a good reason to be upset. But how should I respond?

Do I start yelling, honking, and driving recklessly myself? Do I let my anger make the situation even more dangerous?

Or do I maintain self-control and respond calmly?

I need to be careful not to let my emotions take over the steering wheel. Being upset does not remove my responsibility to behave rightly.

This is another way we walk with honor. We practice self-control when we have a reason to be frustrated, not only when everything is going our way.

Practice These Things Consistently

These expectations are part of our training every time we step onto the mats.

Show up clean. Listen to your coaches. Stay focused when drilling. Exercise respect, humility, and gratitude. Then carry those habits with you as you leave the gym and walk with honor.

We will not do all of this perfectly. I certainly do not. But when we fall short, we can acknowledge it, accept correction, ask God for help, and do our best to improve.

Our goal at Emerge is to grow in our jiu jitsu and in our character. Both require consistent practice.

—Coach Don