Respect, Humility and Gratitude- Why These Three Words Are Written Above the Entrance To Our Dojo
by Coach Don Cooper
As a jiu jitsu athlete we need to often stop and reflect on the deeper answer to the question of "Why do we train jiu jitsu?" For some it may just be that it is a lot of fun. For others it is for the exercise which has enormous benefits. For others it may be they are looking for self defense skills so they are not so vulnerable in a often dangerous world. For others they like the team atmosphere that pushes on one another to get better.
For myself I agree with all of the above reasons however they are not sufficient in my opinion. The benefit of training jiu jitsu as a martial art is to build perfection of character and a noble spirit. The character aspect and pointing us to God and truth is most important I believe. Character traits that we often cite or quote are traits that we inherently know to be good. And that is because these are traits that reflect the nature of God. Growing in these traits is of huge importance and purpose in our lives. This I believe will benefit every person far more than any other reason one might train. And I believe that all the other, what I would call lesser reasons, rest upon the foundation of perfection of character.
Respect, humility and gratitude are traits that help give us a perfect engine for driving our training as we enter the gym to work with coaches and teammates.
Respect: This is a deep word that can have different meanings depending on context. Let me try to define this word in the context of training as succinctly as possible without leaving too much out.
When we enter the dojo to train, we come in with a mindset that we value and understand that our coaches and teammates are human beings made in the image of God and for this reason know that human beings, especially our family and friends, are deserving of dignity, care and honor at all times. For me when I train I think of how I want my teammates to be helped, encouraged, and cared for just in the way I would want myself, or one of my kids, to be. I come with a mindset that I show attention, focus, and etiquette towards my coaches. This is especially true for elder coaches who have more experience than I do. But even if it is a younger coach, by virtue of the fact that they are in the role of running the class for my benefit that I owe them my utmost effort and attention to detail. For my teammates I care for their safety regarding them as a human being with a mind and body that I ought to treat with dignity.
This can look like a variety of things when we interact before, during and after practice. When I walk in the gym, I greet my coaches and teammates in a way that is polite and humble. If they say hello to me I say hello back. If they offer to shake my hand I do so. If they ask me how I am doing, I reply, "I am doing good, how are you?" This might seem like a small thing but it is actually very important.
During class, this means I am listening to my coaches and not talking. This also means that when they are offering me help one on one, I stop what I am doing and listen to them. This might be during drilling or live rolling. I am amazed at how often I see coaches trying to help a student one on one, and the student seems completely clueless and not listening or not trying to do what the coach is telling them. Show respect by stopping what you are doing and listen to the coach.
This might also mean that when drilling with a partner I am staying focused and diligent to execute the drill without goofing off. Or sometimes I see advanced students not doing what the coach has showed them but instead doing the move in a way that they prefer or they start to show their training partner a different move saying it is better. It is a lack of respect to the coaches and those around you when one does this. This is how I show "respect" by doing what will help my partner the most and help even those around me who may be watching to get help. I am also not a distraction to the team. That means I am not being loud and drawing attention to myself but instead quietly with intent doing my very best to drill the technique.
Respect is also why we help each other by giving honest feedback or help. One of the things I love about jiu jitsu is how the more experienced people will willingly and cheerfully give help to the less experienced teammates. This might also show itself in the form of giving feedback that might be difficult to give. For example, sometimes a teammate needs to be told to slow down and be less "spazzy". Telling someone they are being too rough and lacking in self-control may sound like a mean or unkind thing to do, but sometimes a person needs to hear that. And, if someone gives us feedback we do our best to listen and consider it. As flawed human beings, we are not always going to get it right. We can show respect by understanding this ahead of time and learning to show patience and grace towards others.
Outside the gym, respect is listening to our parents and honoring them. For kids especially that means you obey your parents. Do what you are told when you are told. Cleaning up after yourself because you know that your parents deserve obedience and it is your duty and how you show them you love them and honor them.
Respect is a mindset and attitude of knowing that God has commanded us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and stength and love your neighbor as yourself." This is ulimately the foundation of what it means to respect one another whether it is at the gym, home or workplace. Applying this as number one in our training is best for you and everyone. By the way, this does not mean we cannot be competitive or aggressive. Jiu jitsu is a combat sport and we are there to learn and do combat. So this is a "both-and" thing NOT and "either-or". We can show respect and love toward each other and be great athletes and in fact raise the bar in the room in excellence of our jiu jitsu and character by exercising this kind of respect.
Humility: Humility is the opposite of pride. Humility means you come into the gym with the attitude that you have something learn and everyone can help you improve and learn new things. Humility means you come into the gym with "an empty cup" instead of a full cup. What that means is you don't come into the gym feeling you know everything. An empty cup means you have opened your mind up to fill it with truth and knowledge that will help you. You have an open mind and heart to be corrected where you might be wrong or where you are lacking in knowledge or good character.
Humility also means you are not afraid to lose. If you get beat you take it with dignity and you show respect to your partner who tapped you. And if you win, there is no chest thumping or celebration. This is not only a humble response in winning, but shows respect to your teammate.
Humility means you count the needs and concern of others higher than your own. This can be hard at times. But really it means you don't think too highly of yourself. Examples of this might be "belt chasing". Belt chasing is when someone becomes overly focused on getting their next promotion. In jiu jitsu a person can let pride creep in when they start comparing themselves to others and say to themselves, "Hey, how come that person is a higher belt than me? I deserve that belt more than them." Or sometimes an athlete can question their coaches by saying to themselves, "It's time for me to get another stripe. I deserve that next belt. I have put in the time and I am good enough." These are generally prideful thoughts. It's fair to ask your coach what does it take to go to the next belt. But it's usually better to just keep training and know that when you are at that level the team and coaches will know. Being someone who is hyper-focused on what others think of them and on being recognized as a major motivator when on the mats is not a healthy mindset. Instead, patiently and quietly continue to train knowing that when you do you will get better and when the time is right you will be promoted and recognized. Also know this, that when someone is too eager or belt-focused, this will generally make their learning slower and will detract from their growth. Coaches will often want to see you learn to be humble and patient before Building the character trait of focusing more on learning with an attitude that you have a lot to learn will help you far more than focusing on why you haven't been promoted yet or when you will get promoted. The color of your belt does not change who you are or give you extra powers. Instead, show up to practice and continue to help others and yourself to get better in both your character and your jiu jitsu skills.
Gratitude: The bible tells us to "give thanks in all circumstances'. It also tells us to "count it all joy when we fall into difficult times. Knowing that the testing of our faith produces patience...". Even when things don't go the way we want, we can give thanks to God because He will use it for our good if we put our faith in Him. This is gratitude. To be grateful, thankful, and counting our blessings is to show gratitude. Acknowledging God for His many blessings is an important part of building our character. This is why we begin and end each class with a word of prayer thanking God for the blessing of exercise, the blessing of our minds and bodies that He created and gave us, the blessing of being able to grow and learn new skills, the blessing of having others to help us along and work with, and the blessing of life itself. These and many other things we can always give thanks for.
Gratitude is especially important when we find ourselves being tempted to complain. I will give a simple and maybe trivial example but I think it resonates well with what I am trying to say here. I am often at the gym late at night finishing up by cleaning, putting things away, doing our logs, or fixing things before I go home. I am usually eager to go home. I am tired and hungry. One night I had finished all my tasks and was about to head out the door when I remembered I needed to wash my mouthguard. I try to wash my mouthguard regularly to keep it clean and healthy for the next time I use it. I complained to myself out loud and I was annoyed that I had to stop from going home, go back into the mat area, get my mouthguard and go to the restroom sink to wash it. As I was rinsing it in the hot water and lathering it up with soap, I thought to myself how ungrateful I was being. I thought to myself how fortunate and blessed I am that I could train that day and that is the reason I had to wash the mouthguard. I also thought to myself how blessed I am to have healthy teeth. Another reason I was washing my mouthguard. I thought to myself how blessed I am to have my health and to have a great gym to train at with great mats and great teammates and great coaches. I continued to wash my mouthguard as I said a prayer out loud, "Thank you God for your many blessings. Thank you God that I could train today and for every minute of life you given me. Thank you God for my wife and kids who I can go home to this evening. Thank you God for my home and my bed that I can sleep my tired body in tonight." And you know what happened when I thought about this and prayed to the Lord? My feelings immediately changed. I was no longer angry or annoyed. I was instead feeling good and more present and...grateful.
Athletes young and old, study these words and be deliberate to grow in them. This is really the benefit of jiu jitsu and why we continue in the art. There are many, many other character traits I will write about in a separate post. Jiu Jitsu is a great tool for making us more like the way God intends for us to be in character and spirit. Stay on the path and every day you enter the gym look up at those words Respect, Humility and Gratitude and ask the Lord to help you grow in all of them.
-Coach Don
